i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
God, you're like boner-b-gone
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
