great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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