Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
