I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
