He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
