the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
