Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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