Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
