My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
