Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
