im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
