What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
