I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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