i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
i now understand why vodka
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
