Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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