I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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