I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Randomize
