I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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