The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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