While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize