some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
