Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
