I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
