I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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