My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
