Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
what day is it and did you see me today?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
