It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
