it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I FOUND THE LEGS
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
