You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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