Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I need to stop coming to work sober
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize