So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
