you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize