He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
