you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
there is glitter all over my balls
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
