i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
