I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
