Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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