walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
