I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize