I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
