I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
