I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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