I'm lost and stupid without you.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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