didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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