Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
