I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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