i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
