Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
