i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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