tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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