so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
