i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Randomize
