We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize