He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
