I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
