I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
