I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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