i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
