i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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