Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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