She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
