So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
