Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
