I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
