Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
