Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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