His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
